dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
