no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Houston, we have a squirter
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
