Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
