I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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