We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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