his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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