Kiss
Puke
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
