would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
