OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
