he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
