So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The best revenge is premature balding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
as a side note pls kill me
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