I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
