Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
