Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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