I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize