Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
