I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
