The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
