Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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