I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So many bounce houses so little time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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