New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
