if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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