And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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