There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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