Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
