That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He shit in the fireplace
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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