You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
