yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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