I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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