forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
