dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
