so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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