we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
