who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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