should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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