I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
