So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
