I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
