she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize