Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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