Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I enjoy the company of your penis
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
