I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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