you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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