I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
