Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
