I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
