dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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