I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
