Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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