I think I died a long time ago.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
