Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
