I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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