It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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