you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
