i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Someone signed my nipple.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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