Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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