Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
