took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
