the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
