Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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