your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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