I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
