you guys were way drunker than both of me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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