nut hugger
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
