if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
