You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
