I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
