those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.