Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.