He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?