how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
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GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit