can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.