dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones