well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....