You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
