how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had to cum in my sink.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
