Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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