The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
