I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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