Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
