Cold hands, warm shart.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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