I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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