No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize