eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
