Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
