i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
