Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
