Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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