I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
