Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
