Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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