WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
